Happy Birthday Dear Brother
by shira syndrome
Summary: Of squid, birthdays, and wounds that never quite heal.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything aside from the brain that created this fic. I don't even own the computer I wrote it with, but it's coming with me to college anyway. Fancy that.

30 kisses theme #23 - _candy_

a/n: Written around Christmas time, but of a different kind of holiday cheer. And the cherry thing? There be a prequel in them waters. Like _The Hobbit_, but with less execution, five page descriptions, and hairy feet.

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**Happy Birthday Dear Brother**

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Like clockwork, as soon as Jr. activated the lock on his office door Albedo's touch came creeping out of the nothingness to cast slimy fingers against his mental barriers, not unlike a giant squid wrapping its suckers around the _Nautilus_ -

_A nice image. Your whimsicality is as overpowering as always, _came Albedo's voice, prying at the surface of his thoughts.

Jr. froze, in the middle of shrugging his jacket off; unease slipped cold down his spine, and there came the immediate instinct to ignore him, to terminate the connection, to be as detached and indifferent as possible. Instead, unbidden, came the words: _If it bothers you so much, stop looking. It's not my fault your taste in literature bites._

A small puff of red fog against the enclosed sphere, what might have been a laugh - or what passed for a laugh in telepathic conversations.

How long had it been since he'd spoken across the link to anyone but Gaignun? Gaignun hardly ever 'laughed'; they tended to speak quietly as though afraid of being overheard, a side-effect of their lifestyle. Gaignun's presence, like a length of smooth green silk, was darkened around the edges when he was feeling mischievous, maybe, but there was always that concern over Jr.'s headaches, never wanting to push the connection too hard... It hadn't always been that way, though. At one time they had all brushed minds, the three of them, constantly, always a piece of one in the other...

Jr. stopped, not wanting to pursue that train of thought. The past was in the past. And in the here and now, the faint sensation of U-DO contamination settled in his stomach like spoiled meat. Not good to get friendly, remember. Remember. He drew himself together a little more tightly.

_What's the matter? Thinking deep thoughts?_

Albedo again, opening his end of the link wider until Jr. could clearly hear every nuance in his tone of voice, as if he were speaking from across the room instead of across who knew how many galaxies. Then again, Albedo could be right next door for all he knew. There was no telling with him.

He had never hesitated with Albedo before, and he wasn't going to start now. Gaignun had always said leniency only made him harder to handle -

_Look behind you if you really want to know._ Rich with caustic mirth.

Albedo had pried straight into the thoughts he hadn't yet voiced (_Where are you? What the hell do you want? Why are you doing this now?_) and Jr. was caught between clutching his mental walls ever tighter and fairly trembling with anger and - fear? No, not fear...

He whirled around anyway, fingers steady against his pistols.

Nothing.

His eyes flitted to and fro intently, searching for the unidentified thing that was about to lunge out at him, maybe even for the tall, shadowed frame of his brother himself. Still nothing. What the hell? What kind of game was this _now_?

_What? What is it?_ he finally spat out, shooting it down the link with more force than necessary. He hoped it gave Albedo a migraine.

_Now, now, no need to be so suspicious_ - Albedo had spoken at the exact same time, and his mental voice broke off as Jr.'s thought-bomb struck him. It had probably done more than just stun him; Jr. had an idea of how hard those things hit, they had taken so many petty shots at each other as children.

For a second, he almost felt guilty. Almost.

A pause, then: _Well. That was rude. And uncalled for._ An odd vibration, like he was shaking his mind of disorientation. _And after I went through all the trouble of this celebration, too. If you were more perceptive, you would've noticed the box on your desk that wasn't there before. Think of it as a gift from me to you._

Celebration? What? Box? In his office? Albedo had been in his office? In the Durandal? On the Foundation? Albedo! Damn security! Budget increase!

As if to assuage the torrent of incoherent thought-shards, came Albedo's voice in an afterthought, _Just a box._

Jr. stopped retracing the last couple of hours when Albedo could have possibly gotten into his office long enough to think, _It's never 'just a box' with you_, but it was enough to calm him. Well, slightly. His pistols were back in prime shoot-the-first-thing-that-moves position as he edged up to his desk and flipped the lid of the box open with one barrel.

Best to get it over with, and not cause a panic on the ship -

Over a cake?

_Wait a minute, there's a cake in this box_! Jr. thought stupidly.

_I told you, just a box. With something inside it obviously. Nothing dangerous, though. For old time's sake._

Holstering his left pistol, Jr. briefly scanned the rest of his desk and found the fork from yesterday's lunch sticking out of his antique penholder. Lifting his weapon in one hand, and the utensil in the other, he prepared for the worst. _All right, I'll play, Albedo. What's the occasion?_

_Stupid._ Something that felt like a slap on the wrist. _Our birthday. Have you forgotten? Today's the day._

_... I knew that. Jeez. What, you'd think I'd forget my own birthday?_

Ha. What the hell. Calendar alert must have broken.

Wait... so that's why Gaignun and the others had mentioned some sort of surprise...

Although, he thought, nothing they could pull was going to be beat out this particular 'surprise'. He sighed, relaxing out of his battle stance. Sometimes it just wasn't worth asking with Albedo. Actually, scratch that. Most of the time.

Man, this day was getting weirder by the second.

_It's not poisoned, is it? That'd be a little cliché, even for you._

This time Jr. heard the laugh as well as felt it, a red-purple flare of dark amusement in his mind.

_On the contrary, I think you'll enjoy it._

Jr. promptly stabbed the center of the cake with the fork. Nothing exploded in his face; that was one motive to cross off the list.

Wait, what the... Was that - was that... a _cherry_ filling?

Albedo knew the exact moment when it clicked in Jr.'s mind, because he started laughing uncontrollably as blood rushed up into Jr.'s face and the balls of his cheeks felt like they were being roasted over an open flame. He didn't stop when the connection flicked into static, tinged a vibrant shade of embarrassment, chagrin, and _ohmygod Albedo go die_! In fact, it only seemed to set him off all the more.

After an extended period of this, Jr. finally tried to recall the art of stringing words together if only to shut Albedo up.

_I... did not need to remember that. No way. No how. Did not need to remember. Did not. Did not. Did not. _

_You know, repeating phrases over and over is a sign of psychosis. Knight's move thinking. Perseveration. And yes, you did. Good memory. Nice day._

_No. Not good. Hate you. Ruined birthday forever. You're the crazy one._

_Fine, we'll both be crazy. No birthday either. Merry Christmas. Happy Easter. _

_Shut up. Damn squid. You're a crazy squid._

Their speech was becoming more and more broken as they sank further into the old ways, without a need for words between the unbroken bond of their twin minds. Jr.'s barriers must have slipped, for when Albedo mocked yet another protest, their minds met and linked for one unfettered, painfully familiar manner, and suddenly -

- _no no no I won't go through this again_ -

- it snapped like a taught elastic band, stinging both of them.

The connection trembled warningly, stretching to a thin and flimsy thread, and it seemed either one or the other would let go first, but neither did.

Silence that can be more loaded than a pistol? If never before, Jr. definitely knew how that felt now. He felt like he had to try, even just a little.

_Well, you know, Albedo, this was... pretty..._

Nice? No, not that. Unexpectedly considerate? That might piss Albedo off. Almost frighteningly out of character? Definitely not.

_... old school, with the cake and everything_, he finished lamely.

_I figured you'd appreciate it._ For the first time there was no emotion behind the words, no splash of color to designate a mood or feeling, just a disembodied voice. Albedo had pulled back, blocked himself off a little like Jr. had been doing the entire time. He sounded like Gaignun.

Jr. sucked in a breath, suddenly anxious and not knowing why.

Albedo had done something almost ordinary - _for_ him - and even if he never figured out the reason behind it all, it didn't change the fact that they had managed to hold a nearly amicable conversation. But he knew, at the same time, he couldn't push it, he couldn't risk contact like that again. Not again. No more. He had sworn that a long time ago, ever since...

He pulled back a little more too, feeling almost guilty. Almost. Almost.

_... Yeah. I did. But I've got some work to do, so... _

What was a more polite way of making it clear he was uncomfortable and wanted to put some distance - as if there wasn't enough of that already - between his half-mad, long-lost, antagonistic twin brother? There wasn't exactly a dummies guide into translating 'Come back when you're not ass-kissing U-DO' into something civilized.

Yeah, great. He was a real whiz when it came to diplomacy, all right. He could've slapped himself.

But there was no need. Albedo was already releasing his grasp, his presence turning as soft as a feather against his mind. Just before the last spark of connection faded, Jr. impulsively lunged, letting his barriers drop down as he grasped frantically to get one last message across. He had no idea what it was, but when he tweaked the fraying ends of the link enough to send it, the words were already out.

_Thanks, Albedo. Really. Thanks._

A dimming _Hmph _(and with the senses of a link master, he barely caught the tail-end of a muttered, _What, is he going to tell me not to be stranger now, too?_ coupled with a derisive snort), and then, finally:

_Happy birthday to us... _Sing-song and wrought with humour.

Jr. smiled, in both body and mind. _Yeah._

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Total. Crack. 

But I love it anyway. If you agree, you can join the crackwhore club with me. XD


End file.
